


red moonlight

by starryeojin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is a Good Significant Other, Established Relationship, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, but then, chan is like no u don’t bitch, enjoy this ranting mess ig, felix is hella insecure, im ok tho i swear, mentioned past suicide attempt, someone pls be my chan in this, this is literally just me projecting onto felix, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 10:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryeojin/pseuds/starryeojin
Summary: i’m just projecting onto felixthis is my first work pls be nice :( i’m working on smth longer atm <3sry this is short but tell me if u like it :D
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	red moonlight

the feeling rushes back to him in less than an instant. the cold tile of the bathroom floor, the warm red pool of liquid surrounding him, spilling out of him. the metal-like scent of blood. his blood. 

he could hear a familiar but distant voice screaming his name, calling out to him, but he couldn’t see the source of it. all he could see was darkness, emptiness, as his body grew weaker and weaker and he felt himself fading, fading away... 

he was woken up by a voice calling his name, but a different voice this time, and it was no longer distant. strong, yet gentle, hands gripped his shoulders, helping to shake him awake.

“...lix, felix?” the voice was overflowing with worry. felix’s eyes shot wide open and he drew in a shaky breath. his cheeks were wet. why were his cheeks wet? his arms felt tingly and his chest ached, but he could only hazily remember why. 

just a few seconds ago, he could’ve sworn he was about to reach the light, so why was there a purple haired boy in front of him placing a hand on his chest and telling him that everything will be okay?

he sat up in the bed, his entire upper body rising and falling rapidly with each breath. it came back to him slowly, he remembered where he was, who was with him, how he got there. but the tingling feeling in his arms and the ache in his chest didn’t stop. in fact, it felt like more wood was just added to the fire that was blazing inside his lungs.

“ch-chan?” he whispered, still trying to get back his grasp of reality, “wha-at h-hap-pened?”

the older boy had sat up too, placing a hand on his back and tracing soothing patterns onto the fabric of his t-shirt. “i don’t know, i woke up and you were gasping for air with your pillow soaked in tears i-” chan’s words failed him. the truth was that he had hardly any idea what had happened, he just knew he wanted to help. “are you okay?” he looked at him with eyes full of only care, and worry.

felix had just started to piece things together, and fell into chan, wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face in his shoulder in attempt to muffle his sobs. warm arms surrounded him, holding him close, telling him that he wasn’t planning on letting go.

the warm embrace may have held the promise to protect him from all harm, but it was already too late. stupid, you’re so fucking stupid lee felix. how could you do this to yourself? and then you go and make people worry about you and wake them up in the middle of the night for it? damn you really are selfish. 

not to mention ugly, those ugly shiny lines that crawl across your skin only show part of the truly ugly creature you are. why do you think anyone could ever even consider loving someone as ugly and broken as you? his mind screamed at him, loud enough that if you listened close enough, you could probably hear its nasty words in his breath.

the residual tingling in his arms only gained intensity when chan pulled back to cup his head in his hands, and felix noticed sparkly tears forming in the other’s eyes. he felt guilty again for making him worry, for making him sad, and for the whole situation in general. it was all his fault after all.

“tell me what happened angel, whatever it is, i promise i won’t judge or be mad, okay?” he said, scanning his face as though it held all the answers he was looking for. he nodded, bringing a hand up to wipe some of the big tears off of his face.

a sliver of moonlight shone onto the skin of his arm, illuminating the shiny lines that covered it like scratches on antique wood. chan must have noticed it too because his eyes went down, and then up faster than a lightbulb turns off. felix buried his face into the older boy’s shoulder once again.

sobs wracked his small body like waves on the beach during a particularly windy day. after a few minutes, his breathing began to slow and he pulled away from his shoulder and whispered a small “i’m sorry” while looking anywhere but at the other’s face.

“hey, hey, what are you sorry for?” he placed a soft kiss on the top of his head. “you have nothing to be sorry for, i just want to help,” chan’s voice grew softer than silk. it wasn’t like he didn’t have any experience when it comes to mental struggles, he’d been through his fair share alright, but he also knew that he’d never know felix’s experiences like felix knew them. the hell if he wasn’t going to try though.

“i’m just, i’m sorry. i’m sorry for being selfish, a-and weak, and ugly, and all of the things i am that nobody has the courage t-to tell-l me to my face. and i’m sorry for fo-orcing you to love me and for waking you up, and for m-making you worry a-” felix cut himself off with a sob that had been building in the back of his throat. chan just sat there, shocked.

did he really think those things about himself? did he really think that he’d forced chan to love him? chan would move entire oceans if he asked him to, he would create new constellations just for him if he really wanted. he’d do anything for lee felix, so how in the world would someone have made him love someone that much without it being a conscious choice?

“lixie, angel, look at me,” he grabbed his face in his hands again, holding it like it was a delicate statue that would break if you so much as breathed too hard near it. he was met with red, puffy eyes staring back at him. 

“none of that is true, not a single word of it.” he shook his head. “you’re one of the most selfless people i know, and you’re strong too, way stronger than anyone expects you to be. and you’re beautiful, every inch of you, inside and out, got it?” felix nodded hesitantly. “and as for me loving you? there’s nothing in the world you could possibly have said or done to make me love you more than i already love you, more than i love you for simply being you,” felix’s face began to heat up a little bit. “i don’t mind you waking me up, i prefer it to the thought of you having to deal with this on your own, and i’d worry about you no matter what, because i love you.” he said the last part with so much certainty that felix felt almost dumb for ever thinking that he didn’t.

chan kissed away his tears that had stopped flowing, kissed both of his cheeks, his forehead, his nose. he then grabbed his hands and kissed all the way up his forearms, then finally, his lips. “so beautiful, all of you, truly,” he whispered after pulling away.

felix’s freckled cheeks were now as red as roses, along with his ears. the tingling that was previously finding home in his arms was replaced by warm buzzing across all of his skin. his mouth curved into a smile and he wrapped his arms around chan. “thank you, i love you more than you’ll ever know,”

the two of them laid down, limbs entangled and hearts warm. maybe felix wasn’t perfect, but he was perfect in chan’s eyes, and that’s all that really mattered. eventually, he hoped, he’d learn to love himself just as much as others loved him. and then maybe, just maybe, he could find beauty in the silver lines etched into his skin.

because he really was beautiful, and chan was willing to do whatever it took to make sure he never forgot it.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading!!! have a lovely day <3


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